The Last One.

“Spend these three years carefully; you’ll see each day flashing in front of your eyes at the end of these three years.”

I was given this advice when I started college. I am not proud of how well I have followed it.

I had my list of dreams and a bucket list tucked in a suitcase, but I am afraid that I left most of them in there. I abstained myself: I was too scared to do everything I wanted. 

The regret of not getting into my dream college bugged me so much that I failed to live. I am not satisfied with myself, and I am not going to make it appear otherwise. Yes, this is not a sequel pretentious optimistic post and the reader has been warned.This post is my heart crying out. 

I decided in Class 4 that I wanted to become a writer. And I henceforth decided that I wanted to be an entrepreneur. But I had enough excuses to stop myself from doing anything at all that would bring me closer to any of my goals. Not enough time, no good phone, “what if they hate me?”, exams this month, this isn’t good enough an idea, no vehicle, not enough finances, no laptop, now that I have a laptop I don’t have good internet, I’m completely useless, and the list goes on.

One thing I’ve realized is that there is no end to excuses. Period.

The only reason I am not what I wanted to be is that I have not tried. Today is the first day of the rest of my life!

After tens of unfinished drafts, a couple of hours of cyber stalking, and several cups of tea, I am closing this blog. It was started with a lot of people-pleasing and people-appeasing emotions which never allowed me to write what I really wanted. Every line I ever wrote was rewrote with the people centric thought: would they like it? This blog has never been me.

If there’s one thing I’ve realized, it is that trying to appease a few people usually provokes others in ways I’d never thought possible. That, coupled with the fear of failing, has made me abstain myself. 

But no more. :)

A big thank you to all those who have followed me! I shall be back better and finer.

Au revoir!

Bonus: This Switchfoot song. (I am not going to describe it, you just gotta listen to it.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5Gvdgs_R1c

One down, two to go! ;)

One year ago,  I packed my bags,  dreams and hopes,  and came to Ahmedabad to study Economics at St. Xaviers. Oh wait,  it wasn't me. One year can do anything to a person. 

First and the most obvious change in me is that I started paying attention to my appearance. Dressing up,  clicking photos - a lot less than most 20 year olds,  but the fact that it crept in my life is  astonishing enough. The geek in me never died,  but life is now filled with a lot more things apart from that. 

I learnt how to loose alone - if I don't do my laundry or dishes,  or if I misplace my favorite pair of jeans,  there's no one standing behind me to take care of those things. If I mess up,  I am 100% responsible for it. ( This somehow never sinks in untill you're away from home )

I had my fair share of betrayals of course,  but I wouldn't exchange it for the wonderful people I have in my life now. Xaviers is the place I was meant to be,  here are the people I had to meet,  and lessons which had to be learnt. It's been a year of too many "firsts" , most of which I can't put down here. For the first time in life,  I felt it is TOTALLY okay to be myself. 

Alliance Francaise has been another wonderful place to be in,  and it has been as much a part of my life as Xaviers. So many new people,  new experiences,  new artist forms,  new genres of music,  new professions,  a LOT of French and a little Spanish. (I am quatrilingual now. 8) )

When homesickness stung me hard,  people to love me so much that it brought tears to my eyes. I experienced ironic joy in the hours after being locked away in the Hostel at 7 pm. ( Yeah 7 PM )   . A PG with all its freedom and comforts could not give me what a rigid Hostel did. 

For a young girl from Rajkot ( not Mumbai :P ) , the city infused life in me. I know myself better,  the world ( a little) better, and uncertainty of future doesn't make me worry any more. 

Witnessing things and people I never imagined existed,  a Heer I didn't know lived inside me,  I am overwhelmed with emotions as I write this. Leaving behind my home,  my people,  my old life suddenly doesn't seem that huge a price to pay in return for the wonderful year here. A huge thanks to a lot of wonderful people!  ❤